I faked an abortion last night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So vagazzling was a success
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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