I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
