Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
