When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
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maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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