he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
