there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
