My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
