see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize