What a fucking waste of an outfit
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
