Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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