I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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