It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
