It's Friday. Sex?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
