"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
