When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
