turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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