I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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