the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
