on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
