Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
