My hand turned me down
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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