Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
