I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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