there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
