I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
