Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
