Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
