help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
