the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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