**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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