Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
