Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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