New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
