Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
