You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
