you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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