someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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