the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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