She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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