Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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