Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize