Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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