i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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