god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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