I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
