So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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