the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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