TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
