6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
someone owes me an orgasm
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
