His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize