I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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