He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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