Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
