Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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