This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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