Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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