Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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