he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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