escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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