when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
