This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
