Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
