I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
