Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
