i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
