And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.