11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.