I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.