And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
