He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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